Man with the Ski Mask
“Marissa! Marissa can you hear me?” screamed Carly as she kneeled down, looking at her friend who was laying in a puddle of her own blood. Carly was holding Marissa’s head in her lap. Marissa looked up at her best friend, squinting, barely any life left in her. As her eyes closed, and she stopped breathing, Carly knew this was the end of her best friend. She sat there bawling, still holding her friend, when all of the sudden, she heard the faint sound of footsteps. She turned around, and there he was, smiling, holding a knife dripping in blood.
Earlier that day, Marissa and Carly had decided they wanted to go out to lunch and maybe go shopping. Carly went and picked Marissa up and they went out and ate lunch at Pizza Hut. As they were finishing up their lunch, Marissa’s mom called her and told her she needed to be home at 4:00p.m. to clean her room and do some things around the house. “I’ll just take you home now since it’s already 3,” Carly said.
“Okay. my mom said once I get done with all of the chores, we could do something later if you wanted to. We can just hang out at my house if you want since my mom and dad are going out tonight,” Marissa told Carly.
“That should work, just call me when you’re done and we can figure something out.”
Carly took Marissa home, and then went back to her own house. She asked her mom if her and Marissa could hang out a little later once she got all of her chores done. Her mom said she could, only if she went and ran a few errands with her.
It was now 8:00 and Carly still hadn't heard from Marissa, so she decided to call her. No answer. This was extremely unusual that Marissa didn’t answer because she is completely addicted to her phone and is on it at all times. Carly tried her a few more times, and she still didn’t answer. Carly thought that maybe she was still doing chores around the house and didn’t have her phone near her at the time.
Another half hour passed and Marissa still hadn’t gotten back to her. Carly had decided that she was just going to drive over to her house and see what’s up. It only takes like ten minutes to get to her house, so before she left, she called Marissa one more time, and left a message saying she’d be there in about ten minutes.
Carly finally got to Marissa’s house. Her parents’ car was gone, so she was confused now why Marissa wouldn’t have called her back if they could’ve made the plans.
Carly got out of her car and walked up the sidewalk. She got to their front door and just walked in. This was totally strange because whenever Marissa is home alone, she always has all of the doors locked because she’s paranoid that someone will break in. Marissa has an enormous house, so Carly thought maybe, just maybe, she had forgotten to lock that door, even though deep down she knew that Marissa wouldn’t have forgotten to lock the front door.
Carly barged in extremely worried. “HELLO…. MARISSA!” Carly screamed throughout the vast house, no answer. She turned the corner and walked into the living room, and what she saw made her stop dead in her tracks. Paralyzed, she couldn’t move. What she saw, lying almost dead, was her best friend Marissa, in a pool of her own blood.
Carly, finally able to move now, rushed over and screamed, “Who did this to you, what happened!?” she managed to get out in between sobs. Marissa couldn’t answer, as she was almost dead. Marissa’s eyes closed and she stopped breathing, this is when Carly knew this was the end of her best friend.
As Carly sat crying, she went to pull out her phone to call the police, until she hears the faint sound of footsteps behind her. They got louder and louder until she heard them stop. She finally got the courage to turn around slowly, and there he was, standing, grinning a nasty grin, holding a knife dripping with blood. Carly didn’t know what to do. Once again, she was paralyzed with fear. All the man did was stare at her. He was wearing a ski mask so you could only see his eyes and mouth. He kept staring, didn’t even run or lunge to make a stab at Carly.
Carly looked around the room, trying to find the best way to escape. She decided to was going to run to the other side of the living room where there was a door that opened up to the stairs. She was going to run upstairs and hide in their safe room and call someone.
He was still staring at her. Carly looked, then bolted for the door. She heard him start running after her, so she opened, went through, and slammed the door as fast as she could. She flew up the stairs and finally got in the saferoom.
He came upstairs. She could hear him walking, very slowly. She could hear him opening and closing doors. She heard him stop right outside of the room she was in. The saferoom wasn’t a very safe room. It didn’t have a code or anything, it just had nine deadbolts that locked from the inside. Carly heard him start kicking the door, then punching it with his hands, then stabbing at it. It all stopped and she heard him walk away. She got out her phone and tried to call 911, but there was no service. Then, she heard something much heavier hitting the door. She didn’t know what it was, but it was breaking the door down. With one last smack, the door was open, and Carly was cornered. He grabbed her, picked her up, and starting running towards the stairs.
He threw Carly down the steps. She tumbled down them and finally landed at the bottom. She knew she had broken her leg and her arm. She heard him running down the stairs, so she tried to crawl, but couldn't move from the amount of pain she was in. He grabbed her and drug her by her hair into the living room. Carly was laying next to her dead best friend, sobbing, in pain, and not knowing what to do. The man was on top of her, with the knife in his hand. He raised it, and swung down. Carly didn’t realize it or feel it at first, but she reached down because she felt something wet on her stomach. She brought her hand to her face. Carly looked at it, and realized it was covered in blood.
The man kept stabbing her and stabbing her, but not in any fatal spots. Overall, Carly had a total of four stabs. Two in the leg, one in the arm, and one in the stomach. All she could hear was the man laughing the whole time he was doing it. All the sudden, she heard the front door open. Carly thought it was Marissa’s parents who had finally came home. She screamed at the top of her lungs, yelling out how she was in the living room.
Marissa’s dad came in, saw what was happening, and tackled the man. Marissa’s dad was a cop so he had to take care of this stuff all the time. He pulled out a gun, since he always carried one around, and shot the man five times just to ensure his death. Marissa’s dad looked around and saw his daughter dead, and Carly almost dead. He rushed Carly to the emergency room, but she was barely breathing. They finally had gotten to the hospital. Marissa’s dad opened up the back door and saw that Carly had stopped breathing, and that she had died on the way to the hospital.
That was so sad! Overall a really good story though. Nobody wants to walk in to see their best friend almost dead. And then the intensity of not knowing if Marissa was going to die as well was high. Very good story,
ReplyDeleteI like your use of a flashback to catch the reader up to previous events. It definitely adds suspense! I want to know who this masked man was and why he killed the girls? What was his goal or purpose? Was it a robbery? Was he a serial killer?
ReplyDeleteVery sad and emotional but great story.
ReplyDeleteVery suspenseful story! Great one.
ReplyDeleteThe foreshadowing of the middle of the story was great
ReplyDeleteI really liked the plot of the story, kept it interesting the whole time, I loved it!
ReplyDeleteSuper good story. Awesome plot and way to keep suspense going.
ReplyDeleteGreat story. Was sad but it all made sense.
ReplyDeleteThis gave me chills. I loved all the theories that come out of this story! Why was the masked man there? Why did Marissa have a safe-room? Who is the masked man?! It was sad, and terrifying, and written very well.
ReplyDeleteI like how you opened the story amd then explained what happened. Very good story!
ReplyDeleteThe build up and detail were great
ReplyDeleteI like the last paragraph because he has a gun
ReplyDeleteI really liked the introduction, it definitely had me hooked. I had so many questions throughout the story, which really kept me reading and interested the whole time
ReplyDeletegood plot. kept me very interested.
ReplyDeleteI like the plot of the story
ReplyDeleteVery good story. I really like the plot and the flashback at the start
ReplyDeleteI thought overall it was a really good story and had a great plot it kept me interested The Whole time
ReplyDeleteBloody, gory and fun all in one. What an exciting read
ReplyDeleteI like how in the beginning it showed the suspense and then had a flash back to the story.
ReplyDeleteI liked the hook because it was telling what was going to happen throughout the story
ReplyDeleteGreat flashback, it makes everyone want to keep reading.
ReplyDeleteThe setting reminds me of the movie elm street.
ReplyDeleteLoved the story, my favorite part was when her dad "shot the man five times just to ensure his death."
ReplyDeleteVery suspenseful, I couldn't stop reading
ReplyDeleteNice suspense! It was a good use of flash back and it has a good story line. It drws the readers attention also the very beginning is just a plus in all nice hook to get the readers attention.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great story! It was very suspenseful and sad. The plot line was amazing.
ReplyDeleteIt was a great story, how you started it was so suspenseful and just made me want to keep reading.
ReplyDeleteIt's sad how her friend died
ReplyDeleteThis seemed too real
ReplyDeleteThe beginning was very suspenseful and overall a great story!
ReplyDeleteReminds me of most slasher movies
ReplyDeleteWow a this story has lots of details.
ReplyDeleteI love the exposition it is very detailed and also you executed the use of foreshadowing very well.
ReplyDeleteA great suspenseful story.
ReplyDeleteI love the middle of the story, great use of foreshadowing
ReplyDeleteIt was good with nice details
ReplyDeleteGreat detail
ReplyDeleteThe spooks were high in this story. I wonder when the man will actually go skiing?
ReplyDelete