Two years earlier
It was 3 a.m when I woke up to the sound of the house's alarm system going off. I sluggishly got out of bed to turn it off, but as I walked into the front foyer I noticed the front door was wide open. Quickly shutting off the alarm I and went outside to find Savannah. Savannah has been sleepwalking for months now and trying to get outside. About a month ago Britt and I took Savannah to a sleep specialist to try and figure out why she sleepwalks. The doctor told us it was normal for children around Savannah’s age to sleepwalk. I as her dad, knew this was different ever since I found her slamming her head into the great oak door in the foyer. When she woke up the next morning she had large, yellow- green bruises on her forehead. I ran vigorously outside only to see Savannah’s pale little face peeking out the window of an ice cream truck. As the truck disappeared all I could do was watch. I just stood there and watched my babygirl vanish into the night. It took only minutes for Britt to find me standing in the middle of the street with a look of disbelief on my face. She asked me where Savannah was and I couldn’t muster up enough courage to tell her I did nothing to save her.
Britt looked at me with anger burning in her eyes, for she knew what happened without me even having to say a word. Britt did what every good mother would have done and called the police. Looking around ashamed of myself I noticed a small yellow order slip on the ground. I picked it up and flipped it over to see a sloppily written note that read:
Call us at 6 a.m today and you may speak briefly to the child
309-123-4567
Sincerely, Shadow Man
With 6 o’clock in just 15 minutes I ran inside for the phone. Dialing and redialing the number ,because my body was shaking with fear, I finally got the number right with seconds to spear. The phone rang three times before someone picked up. “Mr. Precisely” came a dark slightly raspy voice on the other end of the line. Then nothing. A loud sound then came that startled me. Before I could even process what was was happening I recognized Savannah’s voice singing “ I scream, you scream we all scream……” and that was it. Then came a long unbearable silence.The man with the raspy voice came back “ If you would like to see the child then you come to the old warehouse at midnight tonight come alone.” I waited around all day nothing to do but worry. I couldn’t tell Britt because she would want to come. Seeing the pain on her face made me sick. It made me even sicker that I knew where Savannah was and wasn’t there to rescue her until midnight. Midnight was finally just around the corner. I crept out of bed careful not to wake Britt. I made it out of the house and got into the car. The drive to the warehouse only took about ten minutes to get there, but it felt like years. So any thoughts running through my mind as I drove. When i arrived at the old warehouse I saw a dark and slender figure waiting for me at the door. As I got closer this thing I was seeing was no man at all but just a shadow. It lead me to a small room where I saw Savannah laying lifelessly on the cold cement floor. I dashed to her. I rolled her over to see that her little pale green eyes were gone and nothing but black pits were in there place. I held Savannah for what felt like hours crying hating myself for not being there sooner. I heard a small breath escape from Savannah’s mouth. I watched in amazement until she finally exhaled and whispered “ ….Daddy....”
Where are her eyes? I thought it was real good
ReplyDeleteYou left us on such a cliff hanger, what happened?
ReplyDeleteGreat story very suspenseful and great ending! It is a cliff hanger and nice description of the injuries of savanah! It is a great plot and the whole story was just great
ReplyDeleteIs she alive, is she dead? You don't know. She breathed lifelessly, so I don't know if she is alive or not. I love the plot. The last sentence said finally exhaled, so was that just her last breath?
ReplyDeleteThe plot was very intricate, I incest you write more!!
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you wrote that on purpose or it's a typo??
DeleteLol!
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DeleteVery good plot it really drew me in and I really liked this story, I like how it started with her getting taken it set up a really good story
ReplyDeleteThis one definitely makes you keep guessing. I, too, wonder if she is alive. Or is she possessed? And are we back in the present time or is it still two years earlier? I think the writer should write a sequel. ;)
ReplyDeleteI liked how much detail you used through out the story. It was a very good story that I enjoyed reading.
ReplyDeleteVery well written story. Nice Cliff Hanger!
ReplyDeleteGood plot and characters. Great story.
ReplyDeleteI like the suspense and detail. Nice story
ReplyDeleteI liked the plot but the eye gouging and death was a little too much for me, but great job
ReplyDeleteVery good story! It was suspenseful and left us on a cliffhanger.
ReplyDeleteNice cliff hanger
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed how you used time as a way for the main character to beat themselves up with. Giving their guilt a chance to take hold and allowing their pain to be a driving force for the raw emotion felt through the story.
ReplyDeleteCreepy story dude
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ReplyDeleteWhat's he planning to use the kids eyes for?
ReplyDeleteVery suspenseful, great emotion.
ReplyDeletethis was creepy
ReplyDeleteI like the story. It kept me on the edge of my seat.
ReplyDeleteWooh Bro, I expect a sequel to this. Great plot and excellent ending.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really good story I liked the plot.
ReplyDeleteGreat story! leaves you thinking!
ReplyDeletesick minded story... but I like it, great job!
ReplyDeleteit was a good story
ReplyDeleteKinda reminds me of Coraline
ReplyDeleteVery good cliffhanger. I really liked the story
ReplyDeleteThe story was very well written and had a great plot
ReplyDeleteThe ending is such a cliff hanger. I like the story!
ReplyDeleteI like the ending the best. And all the descriptive words.
ReplyDeleteAwesome cliffhanger
ReplyDeleteGreat story and the ending was very good but a cliffhanger.
ReplyDeleteThis story was very well written, I could visualize what was happening very clearly
ReplyDeleteI like the great cliff hanger ending.
ReplyDelete"Can people live without their eyes?" This is a question to contemplate, because it truly matters to the survival of the human race. Cool story, beautifully written.
ReplyDeleteAnother good suspenseful story, very well written, and you had a fanastic ending.
ReplyDeleteGood cliff hanger I also like the details
ReplyDeletevery good with the detail but also creepy
ReplyDeleteIt was a good story with nice details
ReplyDeleteKinda creepy 😬
ReplyDeleteI love the details of the story - it really ties everything together. Questions this story leaves you with really make it stand out.
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