#19 Trevor's Smile

Trevor's Smile

(January 12, 2017)

Heading west, as the sun sets in front of me, driving my white Mazda CX9 up a gravel, country road, with no signs of life anywhere, I start to have flashbacks. The long, winding road I was traveling made me reminisce. Before I knew it, I was veering off the road. I had to stop. I pulled to the side and stared blankly at the wheel, wondering, why? Why him? I remember that night clearly, yet it was such a blur. The cool spring night. The night my life changed forever. The night I lost my best friend.

(March 3rd, 2016)

It was morning, chilly outside, the birds were chirping. And Aspen, my boyfriend at the time, messaged me to see what I was doing that day. I said nothing and he replied with now ya do. So I got ready and he picked me up in his old brown rusty truck. We and met up with all our friends, and we all went to B-dubs in Sterling. Aspen's friend Jarrett ordered one of the hottest wings; he started crying. After B-dubs, we decided to all meet up at Jarrett's, and when we got there we thought of the “greatest” idea… we were gonna play car tag. I went with Aspen and Trevor. Trevor was driving and I was in the back seat. Then everyone else piled into cars and we decided on a few roads.

The game began. We were on a long, windy dirt road with the headlights off, driving slowly, trying to find the other cars. And we thought we found one; Trevor flicked on his lights and raced up the hill toward the other car. He was going too fast, but no one said anything. We started drifting, then the car hit a grass hill so hard. We were airborne, no screams, it was silent. Everything was in slow motion; I remember closing my eyes and putting my head down waiting for the impact. Then, we struck the pole, still no sound, I slowly started making myself pass out, I was ready, I thought, this is the day I die, and I was accepting it.

Then it happened, we hit the ground, but we kept flipping, we landed upside down; my first thought was I have to get out. I climbed over Aspen, I got out, and was trying to get everyone else out, but I was in shock; I couldn't move.

Did that just happen? I say to myself over and over again. Then the ambulance showed up. I guess the guy living in the house on top of the hill was out smoking and saw everything happen. They got everyone out of the car; Aspen was unconscious. He had a really bad gash in the back of his head, and he probably would have some memory loss, the doctors say to me, as he got flown to Rockford. But Trevor, no one would tell me where he was or what happened to him, 'til finally the paramedic came to me and said that he didn't make it. He died as soon as we hit the pole. It was weird; for some reason, I didn't cry, just thought Nah, he's fine, he can't be gone, right? But he was; this was real.

Sunday morning they had a get together at the school where we could write notes on paper and bring pictures and stick it to his locker. I only went for a little bit though; everywhere I turned, someone would ask me what happened and make me feel guilty because the worst thing I had was scratches. Then after that, everyone headed up to the crash sight and laid stuff by the cross his father put there. It was unbearable going to the sight. Seeing how bad it was, knowing I was in it, and that my best friend died. That night, there was a candlelight at the sight where his family and friends went and told stories about him.

Then Monday, everyone had been dreading this day since the crash. It was the funeral. It was at 2. Trevor's mom didn't want anyone to wear black, she knew he hated that color. We were to wear sweatpants and t shirts. So me and my sister arrived at the funeral home and there was a line outside the door. He was loved by so many; it took about an hour before I got up there, then I saw him. When I got up there and looked at him he had a smile. It was kind of a half smile. The one everyone loved; it's what he was known for. Something about that smile on his face made me feel at peace with everything. It made me feel okay again. Just like it used to.